Like a fine wine...

Some things really do get better with age. Wine, cheese, friendships and...to be bold...me.

It's true, actually, I do feel I'm improved dramatically with age. There are things I have learned that have stood me in such good stead in recent years that I would have never gotten through in the past.

Lesson 1: I've learned to bite my tongue. Some days I feel like I've almost bit it in half. I'm an opinionated person. A strongly opinionated person. But what I've learned is that sometimes it is better to wait and share that opinion with your closest friends. Later. Not everyone shares your opinion, not everyone cares about your opinion and sometimes - GASP - your opinion may be wrong. I know, shocking. Publishing is one of those areas where I bite my tongue. We've learned that life isn't fair, right? And most things in life aren't fair. Do I like the way the publishing industry works? No. Do I have to work with the publishing industry the way it is? Yes, if I want to be a writer I sure do. And does it disappoint me? Sure. But I also get great highs out of it, I've sold books, I get fan letters and I've reached me dream...I have published novels.

Lesson 2: Anger. It takes a an awful lot of energy to be angry. When I was younger, I got angry a lot. If it wasn't fair or it didn't work the way I thought it should, I got angry. But then I got tired. I got tired of being angry and I got tired of being alone. People don't like to be around someone who is angry all the time. People like happy people. You can have moments but you shouldn't have days or weeks. And let's face it - do you really want to be angry all the time or would you rather be having fun. Now I fight the battles that are really important. That should be REALLY important. And if something else makes me angry I go for a walk. Funny how a Starbucks will help you get over that.

Lesson 3: Don't come in talking. Other people know things. Sometimes, again, that's hard to believe, I know. But when I start something new now, I walk in and I'm quiet. I listen to other people. I watch how things are done. I evaluate everything. And then I talk very softly. I don't know everything about everything and it's important to learn from others. It's important to listen. Not just be quiet, not just hear but listen - let the words permeate the brain. It's so important to come in quietly and learn things, to not alienate those around you. We need each other. And it's not ass kissing - it's networking, making friends, using resources, whatever you want to call it.

It's very hard when you're a strong willed person with a brain in your head to learn how to do this. I used to feel that by doing that I wasn't being true to myself. But what I was doing was giving other people a chance. I still have my opinions and beliefs, I still share them with my close friends and some others, but I don't come across like a Sherman (?) tank anymore. People really like me generally, they think I'm fun and they like to talk to me. And it's made my life easier too.

And in the end, I have learned things. I'm not surprised that I had things to learn, but I am surprised at who I could learn them from.

And it's way less exhausting.

So be quiet and just have a quick listen to those around you.

Wow - January 3rd already. 2007. We survived Christmas (and how bad is it when you have to say you survived a holiday???) and we're settled into the New Year. And why is New Year capitalized. that's the bane of my existence right now, typing those gosh darned capitals!

And I haven't been on blogger for over a week. Hard to believe. I don't know where the time went. But the time was wonderful, relaxing, replenishing and great for writing. Three days of wonderful rest - the best kind, where you don't have to leave the house - you don't even have to get dressed if you don't want to - and then I became a writing fool. It's amazing when you get into that zone. You lose track of time and space. You can lose track of days of the week. You might even have to concentrate really hard to remember when you brushed your teeth last. But you write. You are inside your story and you are living it and it is flowing through you like a thunder bolt.

but then there is recovery time too. I spent three days pouring out this hugely emotional family drama, my cheeks were tear stained, my eyes red. And when I was done, I was exhausted. You know that feeling like when you've broken up with a boyfriend or somebody has died? Where you can barely lift one foot in front of the other to walk from room to room? I realized at that point why some authors get lost to drink or drugs. Or even mania or depression. You live your books, your characters, their emotions. It can be overwhelming, especially if you have problems with dealing with emotions, which most of us do.

I'm lucky, I have friends that understand what I mean when I call them and say I need a dose of reality. The come, pick me up and we go out for dinner or to the pub and spend some real time with real people. And then I'm ready to go back into that other world for a while again.

So I guess the lesson for today is - make sure you have your own support group in place before you start writing!